The J Man's Thoughts

Did you ever go to a camp during summer or spend time away from home and did you ever get homesick because you were away from loved ones and your real home. Well I’ve been homesick multiple times in my past for different reasons. But I got that feeling of being homesick again the other day but this time I am in my apartment and have not been any ware to warrant these feelings. This time is different because I cried.  Not that I never cried from the same feeling when I was younger but as I said this time was different. This time I am homesick for my Real home. My perfect home beyond the blue in heaven. I may have never been there but that doesn’t change the fact that I am still longing to go and see my God and my new home. Plus there are so many saints that have gone before me that I want to talk to and finally see or see again. Yet the feelings are mixed because although heaven is so perfect I am not,  I know that I am still forgiven.  Recently in my life I keep feeling that although I keep trying to walk with him I keep falling on my face.  I feel that I cannot even walk or crawl on my knees without failing miserably.  Then I hear the devil say to me ” How many times do you think he will forgive you for the same thing.. You can’t really be sorry for you sins if you keep doing it.” In my worldly knowledge I have issues believing that an all powerful god can keep forgiving me for the same thing over and over.  But luckily Gods ways are higher than my ways and Gods grace and love have covered all my sins now and forever no matter how many times I fail and if I am willing to ask he will even forget all about my sin Forever.  After this struggle the holy spirit reminds me of Heaven and no matter how bloody I am from falling and failing if I persevere it will we worth it all to just see my saviors face.. As I type this I cry again. Can you imagine and picture finally coming face to face with God and falling to my face before him this time for a good reason to hopefully hear ” Well done good and faithful servant!” Too look up and see a smile.  That will make it worth it. No matter how bad stuff can get to see my saviors face will make it worth it.  Oh to be there in heaven finally home where I belong.  I hope this feeling of being homesick never goes away till I get there.. Oops till we get there..

As we walk through our daily lives we sometimes find good and sometimes find bad.  But behind every good and bad thing we do or see lies a Motive. Motivations can be good sometimes but wicked most of the time.  Why are motives wicked most of the time?  Because our heart is where our motivations stem from and our heart is wicked according to Jeremiah 17:9 [i].  Those of us that are Christians know this to be true by looking at ourselves or young children.  Young children are never taught to do wrong but they all do it thanks to our Sin nature[ii].  So after a person recognizes that they are a sinner and starts walking down the road with god why do we start erecting our own prisons to lock ourselves in.  We do this and like good Christians we say that we are being tested or having trials but the truth of the matter is that we put ourselves in there. In some movies and books the author brings to life some wonderful world that after they are a part of starts falling apart. So the characters in these stories realize that they made the world so they can get themselves out buy just changing the story.  Well in our Christian prisons that we have erected we cannot just change the story we need the author[iii] to help us change the story.  So we pray and ask the all knowing and all powerful god Jesus to help us with our prison. God may say yes and god my say no or wait. But what if god says no I have given you everything you need to get yourself out of where you are. I have prayed that god would help me out of this prison that I have erected and many times God has said yes let us go,  yet I sit back down and lock myself back in. I keep thinking about what god has said to me about giving me everything I need. I can find books and books of verses to help with that but what I have found for me was quite unexpected.  As I sat in the car a few weeks ago listening to praise music in my car while waiting in traffic there was a story from the bible that came to mind about Paul and Silas and the Philippian jailer in Acts 16[iv]. In this true story Paul and Silas were imprisoned for casting out a demon in a young girl who could tell the future.  They were imprisoned falsely for not being roman citizens but were indeed at the end of the story. But the important part is that while in prison and the stocks after being beaten with rods and having their clothes torn, Paul and Silas were Praying and Singing Hymns to God and the other prisoners were listening to them.  And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed. But Paul and Silas stayed in the prison and called to the jailer who was about to kill himself having been charged with their imprisonment to tell him that we are all here.  After which the jailer ran to Paul and Silas trembling and asked what must I do to be saved. What I got out of that is not only did Paul and Silas pay but they were Worshiping God and while they were doing so the jail was shaking and the chains were opened. Worship True Worship is a core or quick road to my soul. I find that when I listen to heavy music I am in that kind spirit or mood, And the same for worship music. Music soothes and ministers to my soul.  As I am Worshiping the one true God I am shaking the walls of my prison that I have built and my chains are gone and I have been set free. So this is what god meant by I have everything I need.  Music and the grace of god was all I needed to break the walls of my prison. Now that I am free and I know this I can stay free.  Yes at times I may lock myself back in there but I now know the key to breaking down the walls of my prison before they maybe even finished Music.

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[i] Jeremiah 17:9  ”The heart [is] deceitful above all [things], And desperately wicked; Who can know it?

[ii] Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned–

[iii] Hebrews 12:2  looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

[iv] Acts 16: 1-40