Broken Child

Recently in my life I feel as if things were going well and now even though little has changed I feel as if they had changed.  To try to put it in a word picture I feel as if Jesus is holding me with his loving open arms and I keep trying to pull away from him to say ” See I can stand and follow you ” only to Crash and burn.  After he picks me back up I return to his arms feeling as a Broken Child.  The question I ask myself is why did I leave his arms in the first place.  No matter  how old I get and how wise I get with earthly and spiritual wisdom I will always be a child to him. I know I am much better off just staying in his embrace.   I go through life craving time that I can spend with friends and family in my daily and weekly schedule.  Not if but when they fail me It really hurts and I wonder why.  In the past it was easy for me to fix because all I had to do is eat something really good.  But as I have stated in a previous post that is a sin for me now.  So I turn to a form of entertainment wither it be TV, Movies, or the computer.  Why..  Why do I do this when I already know the truth.  God started with food and was making me fix that. Next he moved on to the movies and TV that I watch.  Now God I moving on to my friends.  The groups that I have attended at my churches have come and gone with me still there when they die or start.  Now I am seeing the starting stages of the death of my third or fourth group.  Most of the time the members are marrying off or moving.  So it is a natural reason the groups die but I am still there.  As the  groups die I am unable to spend time with its members for obvious life reasons like marriage.  I am starting to see what Is happening.  God is eliminating everything in my life that keeps me from him.  And no matter what he does I am willing to fill it with whatever I can and that seems thus far to not be him.  I know the bible says he is a jealous God and I am starting to understand what that really means for me.  So as I get older and change for knowing everything to seemingly knowing nothing about life I am really thankful for the family God has given me.  And I praise his name for the fact that from what I can see all of my local family despite the age are Children of God with me.   I continue to pray for my sisters children that they will want a relationship with the One True God also.  So I need to learn and then act out the fact that despite what is going on in life wither it be good or bad I need a Savior just as much now as I ever did.  A savior that is willing to spend as much time with me as I am willing to spend with him.  A savior that will never leave or forsake me.  A savior that has paid the high price for sin.  Thank you God for never leaving or forsaking me and for being patient with me as I continue through life.

Comments are closed.